Takano Thoughts
by aoi koneko chan
Summary: Takano reflects on how one slip up in his youth affected his life and his love for ten years. Thinking back to those days, he remembers little Oda Ritsu and sees the similarities that still exist in his current love Onodera Ritsu. Yaoi fiction. If you do not like yaoi you are in the wrong category ;)


**Hey all Aoi Koneko Chan here.**

**This is a Sekaiichi Hatsukoi fanfiction. As stated in the description, it is a YAOI fiction, based on a yaoi manga. If yaoi is not your cup of tea, I suggest you leave now. There's nothing too explicit in here, but it does allude to mature themes so you have been warned.**

**If you like Sekaiichi Hatsukoi, I am so glad that your reading this and if you have any fictions for this manga / anime, please feel free to PM me or drop the name of yours in a review. I love this fiction, but there doesn't seem to be much out there. We need to band together and express the awesomeness that is Shungiku Nakamura. **

**P.S. 'Satoshi-sensei' is the first author that Onodera and Takano visit during crunch time ;) I checked the manga and the TV series and I could NOT FIND HER NAME! WHHYYYYYYYYYYY?! So that's the name I gave her :) **

**I hope you enjoy!**

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**Takano's Thoughts**

**By Aoi Koneko Chan**

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It was true he resented him. When he first reappeared in his life, Masaume's first thoughts were to mess around with him, the way that he had done to him in high school. However, after that day at Satoshi sensei's house where he had apologized so cutely for not having the right words to say, he saw in that angry young man, the remnants of his little Ritsu, the boy who had stolen his heart.

When Onodera had first shown up, Masamune had been thrown for the loop. Here was a guy who looked like his first love yet had a completely different personality, it puzzled him and at first he thought that this was a hallucination on his part, conjuring up the very face he had spent nights agonizing over. However, slowly, this Ritsu doppelganger let slip and shocked Takano with personality traits he recalled from ten years ago from a cute little boy who had tricked him and ensnared him in love.

It had been a long time since he had revisited his high school memories. After Yokozawa helped him through, he made it a point to never think about that time again. However, he knew it was futile. Many times throughout the years he found himself recalling the days spent with Ritsu. With his adult knowledge of how their fast yet passionate relationship ended it wasn't hard for him to start painting a picture where Ritsu's affections were false – merely the experimentation of youth - rather than the love the younger had claimed. His theory grew in strength when he had found out about the fiancé little Ritsu had had even before their relationship had begun. He had convinced himself that Ritsu, in fact, had not loved him. He had simply wanted to play around a bit before committing himself to one girl. It would explain why the younger up and kicked him yelling at him before vanishing off the face of the earth.

The whole thing had been a sham. A terrible scheme, pulled by an uncaring underclassman on the silent untouchable upperclassman. However, he knew one thing was real. The one thing that both gladdened him and drove him insane. Ritsu truly had taught him to love. He knew it to be true, he had truly, wholly, fully loved Oda Ritsu with all his heart. And that's what made him weep with joy and cry out in agony. Truthfully at that tender age of seventeen (17) he had believed himself incapable of love. He had already developed an unhealthy apathy for life. Friends and family were meaningless words to him, both evoking the thought of loneliness and despair. He would care for Sorata, but if the kitten decided it didn't want to come home, he wouldn't worry; the feline could abandon him too for all he cared. Worse still he held such an apathetic concern for his own life. He was at a point where he felt dead inside and he didn't know – and didn't care – how to fix it. That's where Ritsu came stumbling in bringing bountiful amounts of energy and – as he had thought – love.

In that month Ritsu had awakened something hidden within him. For the first time in his seventeen years he felt love. You can imagine then that having his love – his savior – run off without so much as an explanation tore him to pieces. Then, finding out that Ritsu had already been engaged whilst loving him, he felt utterly betrayed. He had felt torn between feelings. The dark feeling of having been used and the earth shattering realization that he wasn't a man made with a stone heart – he _was_ capable of love.

Though he had told Onodera that he was a fool for holding a grudge against him for ten years, upon some self reflection he saw the same thing in his own life post-Oda.

He had gone through a dark stage in collage when four years after his parents' split and Ritsu's disappearance it was revealed to him that the 'father figure' he'd grown up with his whole life wasn't biologically his father. The confrontation with his mother revealed nothing excepting the fact that his biological father was a one night stand on his mother's behalf – no names were exchanged between them so there was no lead as to his true father. The argument that followed that discussion resulted in his mother uttering the most damaging words he could ever believe possible.

"You were a mistake I wish I never made."

Those words struck deep within him shattering what little sense of worth he had left. His mother and he had not spoken for two years after that argument. In those two years Takano went wild. He reverted to his apathetic seventeen year old self – but worse. Now of legal age to drink and smoke at age twenty two, he drowned himself in alcohol, cigarettes and women to fill the ever deepening void inside himself. He refused another man thinking them unfaithful due to Ritsu. Only three months after finding himself to be a bastard child, he had run into a young man he recognized used to hang around Ritsu and after talking to him had discovered little Ritsu's engagement since birth. That, with is parents' dysfunction coupled with the truth of his paternal parentage really screwed him up. He found himself devoid of an identity. He had no idea who he was, what he was meant to do, why he was here. Being called nothing but a mistake by his mother, being a bastard child, and having been seduced and dumped by an engaged young man he was so insecure about himself. He was hurting and he yelled that out through his actions. He would be forever grateful to Yokozawa for snapping him out of his stump. So it was no wonder that on that final stretch of the road of recovery he caved in a little and let his best friend sleep with him. It was a fully conscious decision on both parts. The rules were set up between the two of them before they partook in the act. He wasn't drunk, he was getting out of his depression and he was in a sound state of mind and body. The reason he allowed Yokozawa to sleep with him was to answer that final question he had. Was it just that he was gay? Or did he really fall in love with Oda Ritsu?

Through all this shit that he'd been through since his childhood he wasn't so sure anymore. He had thought that even though he knew nothing of Ritsu's disappearance or true feelings he had known his own. But with all the drama that had occurred since then, he just felt utterly confused. He began doubting if he ever really loved Ritsu, _really_ loved him. He had spent a few nights talking with Yokozawa about this topic. Yokozawa had always been supportive of him in his own silent sort of way. When he one night told Yokozawa he was going to go off and find a young man to sleep with to answer his questions, his friend had been concerned, offering himself up to Masamune so as to be there for him if he needed it. They set the rules and began the act and when during his climax he cried out young Ritsu's name he knew that he could in fact, love and that he truly did love Ritsu. As he broke down in tears, he could feel Yokozawa embrace him tightly and he felt his friend's tears as he cried with him.

It was only later, when Onodera Ritsu reentered his life that he realized the reasons for Yokozawa's tears that night were probably completely different than his own, but the fact that he stayed and comforted him even through his own heartache spoke a thousand words of praise of the strength and integrity of his friendship. He could ask for no finer a friend. And Yokozawa had been a great friend, throughout out those years and onwards, he had always treasured him as a great comfort to have around. His one friend through his horrible life.

So he should have seen it coming. Knowing Yokozawa as he knew him. Knowing his own feelings for Ritsu and knowing how protective Yokozawa was of his friends and all those that he held close. He should have known that there was no way that Yokozawa would just accept the fact that Ristu, the boy who – as he saw it – helped sink Masamune into his depressive state, was once again back in his life. Don't you want the best for your friend? Wouldn't you be concerned if they let someone back into their life that hurt them deeply? The thing was, was that it was very easy for Masamune to forgive Ritsu when most of their dirty laundry was aired. Once he realized the reason for Ritsu's disappearance he found no reason to deny themselves the relationship they both had been aching for ten years prior.

Now all his thoughts turned to Ritsu. His little Oda. He was still a bit miffed at the fact that for the last ten years he hadn't even known his love's real surname, but the staining blush that appeared on Ritsu's face every time he brought it up was payment enough. He caught himself thinking of Ritsu more and more throughout the day and had to constantly scold himself for getting distracted. Since Ritsu's declaration that he was going to best Takano in editing manga and take his job, he had felt more at ease. It meant Ritsu wasn't going to be leaving him any time soon.

That was his greatest fear at the moment; Ristu once again disappearing without a trace. That's why, at every oppourtunity he got, he would do everything he could, in words and in actions to show Ritsu how much he loved him. When Ristu had explained why he had disappeared all those years ago was simply because he thought Saga-senpai had been laughing at him when he had asked him if he loved him, Masamune knew that he had to keep his eye on Ritsu from now on. He did not want any miscommunication in the slightest. Not with this. Not knowing that the younger man had loved him truly and it was only a smirk, a small chuckle from himself that had threw a wrench in the works all those years ago. At the time when Ritsu had first explained his reasons, he had been stupefied. '_Seriously?'_ he had thought. _'The reason you vanished without a trace was because of something as stupid as that?'_ Now upon further reflection, he was utterly flattered and so very ashamed of his teen self. Thinking back on that time, reflecting on how fragile his state of mind was, he was sure, that if Oda had snickered at him he too would have jumped to the wrong conclusions. Granted, even at that time he would have pulled the younger aside, begin fondling him and demand that Oda explain the reason behind the laughter whilst branding into him his mark, making it so Ritsu couldn't live without him. But he digressed. The point was that after he thought about it, he could see why his darling, shy, little Ritsu would be so horribly scared and traumatized that he felt the need to run.

Again, the extent of Ritsu's trauma only came to his knowledge through a very angry, yet reliable, source. It was Kohinata An who had informed him of his lover's condition during the early years of their separation. Granted, most of the information was delivered in the form of threats promising a world of pain if he were ever to let Ritsu sink that low again. Nevertheless, he had been glad to hear of how their separation had affected his lover. He was not glad that Ritsu had suffered, oh no. In fact he still to this day had a hard time forgiving himself for that unintentional, misunderstood snigger. But he was glad to know that his separation from Ritsu's life was felt by the younger boy; he was happy to know that he had been so loved and treasured by Ritsu that a lifestyle where he was unloved by the elder was impossible to bear and warranted leaving the country. Or at least, that was how he put it to Ritsu whenever the tough times of that situation were brought up. Besides, the adorably red blush that stained his lover's cheeks when he phrased it like that was quite simply a great turn on.

It was a little self glorifying when one thought about it, yet Ritsu never disputed the fact, instead, he turned quite needy and a little shy, as if the young Ritsu once again inhabited this cynical Ritsu's body. He would get a little clingy, and want to do things like holding hands, hugging or kissing - things the adult Ritsu always put a limit on - as if the very mention of time apart made him lonely. It took him a while, but Takano finally questioned Ritsu on his odd behavior during these moments and a nervous Ritsu had stutteringly answered him that 'that snigger' _was_ in fact the reason for his abrupt move overseas and that he _couldn't_ have dealt with continuing at the school where he had to see Takano daily, _'knowing that he didn't really love me'._ His face red with embarrassment and the small tears gathering at the corners of his eyes, told Takano just how much he'd been treasured by the younger man and the revelation shocked him to his core and turned him on immensely. After a passionate verbal reassurance that his love for Ritsu was just as deep, the two had spent the night in absolute bliss, learning, claiming and owning each other's bodies until they both passed out out of exhaustion.

That night, holding a slumbering Ritsu to his side, he had wondered how life would have been had Ritsu and he never parted. Would they still be in this same position? Ritsu would undoubtedly still be working at Onodera publishing, Takano himself may be working there as well, a job received through connections..? After dwelling on those thoughts for a while, he was brought back to the present as Ristu snuggled further into his side. Turning down the AC a little, he turned to face his most precious person and once again brought him closer to his side.

"Masamune…?" Ritsu's soft voice called as the younger seemed to wake a little.

Takano began stroking his hair, giving a soft kiss to his temple as the younger snuggled further to him, a little more awake now. "Hnn?" He hummed, in question.

A soft kiss was given to his chin, startled yet happy he lowered his face to catch his lover's eyes. "What was that for?"

Ritsu smiled sweetly, closing his eyes and burying his head in Masamune's chest humming a little on his own. "I wonder, eh?"

Takano felt a wide smile unfurl on his face and he tightened the hold he had on his lover hearing his tired soft sigh of content as he was held so preciously. This is what he wanted for his life. This was all he had ever wanted since little Oda Ritsu had crashed into his life and given his whole existence a new meaning. Brushing his hand softly against the side of Ritsu's face, leant down and gave his forehead a kiss. "Goodnight." He murmured against the smooth skin.

"Goodnight Masamune."

It didn't get better than this.

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**Well, here it is. My first Sekaiichi Hatsukoi fanfiction. This faction is totally undermined. It's a fantastic story and (begrudgingly) still continuing. HURRY AND GET THE TWO TOGETHER ASAP! **

**Seriously, I am dying of romantic tension here. There are also two other REALLY cute couples in this manga / anime. Hatori & Chiaki and Kisa & Yukina. They're totally really well developed characters and I love, love, love Shungiku Nakamura san for creating this story!**

**Okay, so enough fangirling. I hope you liked it!**

_**Posted on 4th of September 2013.**_


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